ASSESSMENTS

Self Compassion Scale

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During your Trauma Bond Relationship, I am sure yo

During your Trauma Bond Relationship, I am sure you remember feeling afraid, it's a natural response to feeling threatened. ⁠
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When your Pathological Lover screams at you or throws a wine glass at you, fear is triggered to protect yourself and optimize your chance of survival. Emotional flashbacks are a typical C-PTSD symptom.⁠
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When trapped in a flashback, you relive your pathological partner's worst emotional times. Effective recovery requires practice to reduce your emotional flashbacks so you experience fewer negative emotions. ⁠
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Here are a few ways you can do this: ⁠
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1. Bring in your inner observer: Flashbacks make you feel like you are back in your relationship surrounded by danger, yet your feelings and sensations are remnants from the past and cannot hurt you now.⁠
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2. Soothe yourself: Remember, you are not living with your PL anymore. And take several slow deep breaths.⁠
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3. Hold your boundaries: You do not have to allow anyone to mistreat you. You can disconnect from any toxic person and stand up for yourself.⁠
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4. Speak Compassionately to yourself: Create a short phrase you can say to yourself. “I am afraid right now, but things will work out for me.” Refuse to shame, hate, or abandon yourself.⁠
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I like to consider myself an OPTIMIST, a glass-hal

I like to consider myself an OPTIMIST, a glass-half-full girl! ⁠
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But like everyone else, there are times when I lose confidence, get super stressed and anxious, and start doubting myself... and then suddenly, the glass seems empty again -PESSIMIST⁠
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Three types of distorted thoughts create pessimistic thinking. ⁠
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1. Personalization- occurs whenever we take things personally without considering all other possibilities. For example, your partner comes home after a long day's work and is in a bad mood. Personalization is when you immediately think you're the cause of their bad mood.⁠
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2. Pervasiveness – Whenever something negative happens in one area of your life, you now perceive your whole life as bad. I.e., you experience a relationship break-up, and then you count all the ways that you're life sucks. ⁠
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3. Permanence- You may believe your depression, insecurity, or loneliness will never end. It will be permanent, not temporary.⁠
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When you have these thoughts, challenge them and consider these instead ...⁠
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✨ Tell yourself, "Not everything is about me." People get in bad moods or angry more often because of their life. Try to imagine different perspectives and possibilities of why someone may be responding the way they are.⁠
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✨ Make a list of all the good things in your life that ARE happening. ⁠
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✨ Remember that situations and circumstances are not fixed or unchangeable. ⁠Because the one constant is change⁠

Healthy self-care means putting YOURSELF first. Di

Healthy self-care means putting YOURSELF first. Did your whole-body cringe reading that? Well let me tell you, self-care isn't all chocolate and bubble baths. ⁠
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You have been in a Trauma Bond Relationship where you were treated as an object and an afterthought, not a priority or an equal. You hoped you would feel better after leaving, and maybe part of you does, yet you also get overwhelmed by fear, anger, and shame.⁠
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So, learning to prioritize yourself is the first and foremost step to healing. To start your healing journey you must stabilize with SELF-CARE- Here are two ways to start your self-care journey today: ⁠
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1. Movement and Yoga: Numerous research indicates yoga’s physical, emotional, and mental health benefits. Unlike other forms of exercise, yoga’s focus is inward. The chaotic mind becomes calm by connecting breath to movement. And your breath is a free tool always available to link your mind and body so you can soothe your nerves. ⁠
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2. Nutrition: Food is a highly soothing substance that is incredibly easy to obtain. I know how difficult it is to make healthy choices when you feel like you’re emotionally rotting from the inside out. So, start small. Try having one nutritious meal daily, breakfast to start your day off right, or grab a salad for lunch or dinner. ⁠
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Ultimately, adhering to a nutrient-rich diet and workout plan are loving actions. Nurturing yourself daily provides a corrective caring experience for your precious self. 💕

Victims of trauma bonds feel shame, emotional pain

Victims of trauma bonds feel shame, emotional pain, a loss of self, and cognitive dissonance.⁠
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Your pathological lover (PL) sucks you in with their charm and love-bombing and then uses coercive control, and manipulation to keep you bonded. The seeds of cognitive dissonance that have been planted by the dual personas of the PL are the root of this violent attachment.

The most critical advice I can give any trauma bon

The most critical advice I can give any trauma bond survivor is to get professional help and support. ⁠
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Escaping should not occur in isolation, as isolation makes you vulnerable. While family members and friends may be supportive, they should not be your go-to for safe escape advice, as they are not professionally trained to deal with pathological personalities. ⁠
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Once you decide to leave, regular contact with a professional is essential because there may be many false starts, changes of plans, and vows to leave that get postponed. ⁠
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Having support keeps you accountable and safe. 🤍⁠
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Here are some helplines for immediate support:⁠
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"Live Violence Free" Crisis Line: 530-544-4444⁠
International Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233⁠
U.S. Domestic Violence TextLine: Text “SMART” to 88788⁠
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#ifmywoundswerevisible

I have spent most of my life studying controlling,

I have spent most of my life studying controlling, obsessive, and traumatic love. My fascination with love led me to become a therapist specializing in helping people recover from the pain of current or past relational trauma. Because I’ve been there. I know.

The pain of heartbreak shows neurobiological evidence of stress, like torture. Having personally endured romantic trauma, I agree. This humbling experience of being married to the Wolf taught me the contrast between the sweetness of love and the tragedy of remaining innocent about its power. These two threads have interwoven my life into an academic understanding of intimate love, self-love, traumatic bonding, and post-traumatic growth.

My therapy room reflects society. Millions of American women stay with lovers who violate them.

Yet, I agree with abuse expert Lundy Bancroft, who wrote in Why Does He Do That? “Abuse is a problem that lies entirely within the abuser.” I know because I was one of those women, so I deeply empathize with their pain, humiliation, and devastation.
That is why all of my social media, blogs, TikTok, and my new book is about educating you about the whys, hows, and whats of traumatic bonding. And, of course, how to heal and recover. #traumabond #traumabondsurvivor #traumabond #ifmywoundswerevisible #narcissist #narcissism #narcissistic #awareness #drnae #drnadine #nadinemacaluso

Why do pathological lovers (PLs) use emotional and

Why do pathological lovers (PLs) use emotional and psychological manipulation?⁠
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Even though initially, during the love-bombing phase, PLs pretend to want to share intimacy.⁠
They are only interested in controlling you to get their needs for pleasure, power, money, and status met.⁠
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So an effective way to control you is through manipulation to keep you confused and constantly filled with self-doubt. ⁠
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Pay attention to your gut intuitions that tell you something is wrong. Know the PL's tactics to protect yourself.⁠
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Dating a Pathological Lover in a Nutshell:⁠ ⁠

Dating a Pathological Lover in a Nutshell:⁠
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You will go from being the perfect love of their life to nothing is good enough. ⁠
You will give everything to make them happy; they will take it all and give you less and less in return. ⁠
You will feel moments of bliss, happiness, joy, and appreciation. Then end up depleted and disappointed emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. ⁠
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Being in a trauma bond relationship is a constant cycle of reward and abuse. ⁠
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It is WORTH having TRUE HAPPINESS and STABILITY in your relationship. Stop holding yourself back, and make CAN make a change. 💗⁠

Whatever the cause for entering a trauma bond, we

Whatever the cause for entering a trauma bond, we all hold on for the same reasons. ⁠
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Trauma bonds are like cement. Your partner sucks you in with his charm and then uses love-bombing, coercive control, and manipulation to keep you bonded. ⁠
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The combination of intermittent abuse and a power imbalance creates a cement-like grip over your heart and mind, leaving you unable to enact your own will. ⁠
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Cognitive dissonance (CD) is also significant factor on why you. hold on. You experience internal conflict caused by an inconsistency between your thoughts and actions. ⁠
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It is a normal reaction to the dual sides of Jekyll/Hyde. Just after the love-bombing state, your lovers mask begins to slip when something he does, doesn't match something you thought you knew about him.⁠
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You stay because you feel trapped –— physically, financially, psychologically, or emotionally. With traumatic bonding, you feel sorry for, empathize with, and forgive your partner, replacing and dissolving feelings of anger and entrapment.⁠

Happy Memorial Day Weekend! A time to remember an

Happy Memorial Day Weekend! A time to remember and honor 🇺🇸 (and also relax.)⁠ ⁠
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At times, we get so focused on our hectic lifestyles with deadlines to meet and work-life pressure that we actually forget to relax! ⁠
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👉 How are you relaxing this weekend?

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