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DARVO is a three-step method of twisting accountab

DARVO is a three-step method of twisting accountability and falsely accusing you. The DARVO process includes the pathological lover denying, attacking, and switching the victim and perpetrator roles.⁠
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1. Denial – The first step is for the PL to deny whatever wrongdoing he is accused of, such as stealing, cheating, or lying to, abusing, or betraying you.⁠
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2. Attack – After denials, the pathological lover goes on the offensive and does everything to undermine you. He hate-bombs you as much as he love-bombed you. He "cries wolf" and launches false accusations. For instance, he might question your motivation, mental health, and stability and attack your intelligence, honesty, morality, and actions (past and present). ⁠
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3. Reverse – PLs attempt to use the old "switcheroo," DARVO's trickiest element, to switch roles with you. They redirect blame, accusing you of being the abuser. This reversal varies per the situation and accusation. ⁠
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👉 Have you heard any of these DARVO phrases?

Healing isn't an event. It is a process that takes

Healing isn't an event. It is a process that takes place over time in our physical, mental, and spiritual inner world. ⁠
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We are all gifted with an innate ability to heal ourselves. Our mind and body are constantly striving to return to balance.⁠
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How are you working to heal yourself? 💕⁠

Pathological lovers have distorted your mind to co

Pathological lovers have distorted your mind to control and exploit your heart. They specialize in creating mystery, but withdrawing the curtain reveals someone without a moral compass who cannot love you. ⁠
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I hope you know love never warrants use and abuse; emotional, mental, financial, and verbal abuse damages just like physical abuse. ⁠
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Love does not have to hurt or destroy you like before. Learning to live and love again means finding a balance: loving others without abandoning yourself. ⁠

Being authentic is directly related to our self-es

Being authentic is directly related to our self-esteem and psychological well-being. Not expressing our authenticity makes us depressed and makes us resent others. So take a risk today and be authentic and see how it feels. ⁠
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👉🏼 Take my Authentic Personality Assessment via the link in my bio. Just click on the assessments tab.

Initially, your partner's mask of confidence, domi

Initially, your partner's mask of confidence, dominance, and charisma tricked you, inspiring you to believe you will be loved, cherished, and protected.⁠
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Then the seductive strategies of love-bombing and twinning get mixed with lies, betrayal, and coercion. ⁠
Behaviors that create cognitive dissonance in you. You swing between "I love you, I hate you." Confusion and fear keep you frozen.⁠
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Close friends may trivialize your emotional pain and judge you for not leaving. Non-physical abuse through coercion, gaslighting, and deception is not as apparent as a black eye. ⁠
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Trust yourself, it is your life, and you are the only one to deal with the consequences. The precise time to leave your trauma bond is your decision alone.

Healthy INTIMACY recognizes boundaries. ⁠ ⁠ Th

Healthy INTIMACY recognizes boundaries. ⁠
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The RAW EDGE between "who I am" and "who you are" is respected. ⁠
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Each partner in a Healthy relationship can hold their truth and set boundaries even when the other partner has a different opinion or pressures them to conform.⁠
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A SAFE RELATIONAL experience occurs when partners respect each other without losing their sense of self. ⁠
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Doesn't that sound dreamy?

After leaving a trauma bond (TB), your pathologica

After leaving a trauma bond (TB), your pathological lover (PL) will use the Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender (DARVO) tactic to continually manipulate and control you. ⁠
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Your pathological ex will shift the focus away from their abuse and coercive control by making false allegations against you. ⁠
The PL switches the roles of victim and perpetrator to blame you and deny accountability for their actions. ⁠

Note to my younger self: Don't believe your inner

Note to my younger self: Don't believe your inner critic!⁠
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So many people have intense self-critics or inner bullies that beat them up daily. The voice in your head can be so brutal and often much worse than what anyone would say or think about you. Your self-critic causes your depression and low self-esteem.⁠
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Yet here is the good news: you are the one doing it to yourself and have the power to stop it. ⁠
To stop your inner bully, you must cultivate a healthy inner witness that can observe your habitual critical thoughts. ⁠
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Your inner witness is the mindful part of you that can observe your thoughts and feelings. ⁠
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Your inner witness does not judge your inner bully's scripts.⁠
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Instead, it observes your old, programmed scripts, halts them in their tracks, and replaces them with positive, affirming, or validating statements.⁠
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Controlling your inner bully takes practice, but you are worth the effort!⁠
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A narcissist will find your Achilles heal, break i

A narcissist will find your Achilles heal, break it further, and then convince you that they are your healing balm.⁠
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👉🏼 They must first convince you of your lack to secure you tightly in their grip, making it feel impossible to leave.⁠

After your hard work of relational detoxification,

After your hard work of relational detoxification, starting a new relationship can seem like climbing Mt. Everest. Opening up to a new person about who you are—your experiences, feelings, and memories—feels scary.⁠
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Here are some red flags to remind you what to look for when dating: ⁠
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1. Is he over-confident, a smooth talker, grandiose, or highly charismatic?⁠
2. Does he want to move the relationship along quickly? After three weeks, does he say you're his soulmate?⁠
3. Does he easily share his traumatized past?⁠
4. Is his ex the craziest woman on the planet?⁠
5. Does he call or text you more than five times daily?⁠
6. Does he happen to have all of the same interests as you?⁠
7. Does he want to monopolize all of your time?⁠
8. Is there excessive alcohol or drug use?⁠
9. Does he act jealous even though you have only gone on a few dates?⁠
10. When you're with him, notice how your gut feels, and trust your intuition.⁠
11. Does he profess how much you can trust him? (Trustworthy guys don't always need to say that.)⁠
12. Does he respect your boundaries?⁠

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